Thursday, March 18, 2010

This is the picture that changed it all!

Yes, people this is the picture that woke me up! Back then I knew I was carrying a little extra weight from having my little monsters but um, looking back I can see it was more than just weight. It was unhealthy and totally effecting my self-esteem! Lucky me, I seem to "carry" my junk in the middle which gives me a higher chance of Type 2 diabetes, cardiovascular disease, and hypertension. I remember this trip like it was yesterday! We went to Universal Studios, it was April of 2007. Almost 3 years ago. I remember looking at this picture and thinking I don't really look like that do I? My face isn't fat and it's the jacket that's making my belly stick out. Talk about a reality check right smack in front of my face. I hated getting my picture taken back then, I used the excuse that I was the one who wanted to capture the moments for my scrapbooks. It wasn't true. I wanted to be in those pictures with the kids and with my husband but I didn't like myself and I wasn't ready to face it. Thankfully after seeing this picture I finally did. It still took a couple months of denying that it was me who was stopping myself from going to the beach, going out with my husband on dates, being intimate on a regular basis (there I said it, sorry honey....all those fights I started right before bed were just because I couldn't understand how you could still want me when I hated myself), and just being happy in general. I would tell myself I didn't care what other people thought and that was actually true, but I did care about what I thought of myself and that was what was destroying me. When you tell yourself over and over you don't deserve something or you're not good enough you actually start to believe that crap. My hubby would try and encourage me to do something about it but I took his encouragement the wrong way and it turned into something else, another excuse. He's not going to make me work out. I'm fine just the way I am and that would of been great if I had actually believed it. So a couple months after this picture I drove by the same little building I always drove by each day but this time I saw the sign..... Jazzercise. That Saturday I went to my first class and have been going ever since. A year and a half later, right around my 38th birthday I decided to sign up for a 5K race. I knew if I signed up first I would have to train and I would have to run that race. A month and a half later I was running my first 5K side by side with my hubby! That one race changed me. It gave me the confidence I needed, it showed me that I could do something if I put my mind to it. It felt so good. I'm not a fast runner by any means. I don't do it to win races or get free t-shirts (although some of them are nice). I do it because of how it makes me feel inside and that has helped me change how I look and feel on the outside. It's hard for me to put into words how it feels. The freedom of knowing that my own two feet and legs are getting me somewhere. I like the way the wind feels on my body, how one song on my iPod can get me through a rough spot, how I might not of wanted to run when I started but by the end I feel strong and happy. Over the last two and half years I've lost about 25lbs +. I'm not exactly where I want to be but I'm close. The important part is how it's changed my life. I'm no longer afraid to go to the beach with my husband and kids, I don't care how many pictures you take of me, and yes, I enjoy being intimate with my hubby again (even in the daylight, EEK!) I hope that I can inspire others to make the changes that they want when they are ready and that I can continue to inspire myself to live each day to the fullest because you never know when it's going to be your last.

1 comment:

  1. I found your blog link from Fitnessista's and I just happened to be reading this post when I saw the word, "Jazzercise." I was absolutely thrilled to see it, because I live in NC and have been teaching Jazzercise for the past 9 years..I love it!! It's so great reading that someone else has tried it and also finds it good exercise and a lot of fun. I'm really enjoying reading your blog! Congrats on your weightloss!! :)